confronting the issue at hand

[Cypherics]

Hello. I am Wolfie, or as some of you know me as RetroWolfie. This is not another rant. This is me confronting the issue at hand. It has taken many months to realize this sight, and I have finally come to accept it. While this may seem like an apology, I honestly, don't know what to make of this. I want to start this off by saying that I have had a few encounters that were rather Narcissistic of me to say the least. To put it lightly, I blamed the actions of others for what had happened to me and what had led to my initial punishments. The reality of it now seems to be I was wrong to do that, and instead ignored the fact that I made a scene for no reason. I took the spotlight and tried to humiliate the other, in hopes that they would instead be punished. I have no words or at least none that can describe the excruciating measures i went to get into this predicament. Reflecting on what I had done would be things like threating people so badly, if my memory is correct I might have detailed the threat so graphically it could be better used in a story ffs. I have even gone as far as to bash the hell out of staff privately in direct messages in the past. The most important thing was I let others get to me, and because of that I am where I am. I had the warnings, I ignored them, instead I kept fighting. I fought so much, that it leads me to ponder the question of if this is the end or not. There is however one thing I can say. Deep inside of me there is some remorse for what I did and would like to apologize greatly for what I've done. Sorry doesn't fix everything, sometimes it's not enough, but even the word itself alone, is enough to show you at least realize the faults you have done. It's the consistent saying of sorry that isn't accepted. Needless to say, I do regret my mistakes. When the time comes I may be able to return, for now though, I wait... again I'm sorry...